Thoughts and Feelings
by crematosis
Summary: Light just wants a romantic night with L, but L can't stop thinking about Kira for even one hour.


A/N: Death Note isn't always about humor or murder…there's a lot of angst in there. Especially if it involves L and Light…you know how enemies can get when they fall in love.

Disclaimer: I do not own L or Light…but I wish I did.

"How did it come to this?" L murmured, gazing off into nothing.

Light frowned and wrapped his arms tighter around L's waist. "How did what come to what?"

L stirred slightly and his eyes refocused. "How did it come to sleeping with the enemy?"

"I'm not the enemy," Light insisted. He slipped his hands under L's shirt and peeled it off.

L was still unresponsive. "Light-kun is Kira and Kira is the one I have been fighting against for all this time. I cannot possibly develop feelings for someone who may kill me."

Light's frown deepened. He _hated_ when L started second guessing their relationship. Usually L was eager to spend time with someone who was his intellectual equal. Few people had intelligence that rivaled L's. Fortunately, Light was one of them. And regardless of whether Light was Kira or no, L was a very lonely person and was often willing to give himself to Light. But today had to be one of those days where L thought with his mind instead of his heart.

"We do this all the time," Light growled. "It's too late to object to having sex when you've already done so numerous times."

"Perhaps I should stop now before I form a permanent emotional attachment," L said softly.

"It's too late for that too," Light hissed. "I'm not letting you back out of this. I'm not your enemy. I'm not out to kill you. I'm only out to fuck you."

L's lips curved into a faint smile. "Light-kun intends on forcing me into sex?"

"No, I intend on persuading you into sex. Look, we've been through this a hundred times already. You start doubting whether this is something we should be doing, I start making out with you, and then you change your mind pretty quickly."

L sighed. "I suppose I am just weak. I am addicted to Light-kun's affection and therefore I am making myself vulnerable to Kira."

"I'm not Kira," Light whispered as he began sliding off L's pants.

"I truly wish you were not Kira," L said sadly. He let out a soft hiss of pain as Light pinched his thigh. "I truly wish we had met under different circumstances. We could have been wonderful companionship for each other. But we are both competitive and the only way we would search out a relationship with each other is if we risking everything."

"So, is this your way of saying that you know it's not a good idea to do this, but you just can't help wanting to?"

"I suppose," L said wearily. "We both stand to lose everything, but yet we will risk everything to have the one thing we cannot have."

"And that one thing is a normal, loving relationship?" Light asked.

"Yes, Light-kun. We risk our professional reputations to fall in love with someone who is possibly out to kill us. Are we perhaps merely pretending to love one another and convince ourselves it is true?"

"You think way too much," Light growled. He bit down on L's collarbone.

L flinched. "Ah-one of us has to do the thinking and that someone is me because you refuse to consider the consequences."

"Would you just shut up for a moment?" Light snapped. "Is there any possible way for you to stop thinking and just feel for a second?"

L quieted for a moment and stopped to think about it. He had never actually attempted to disengage his great brain. Doing so could potentially prove dangerous. It would lower his defenses for the time if he didn't take care to analyze what was going on. He could miss a potential clue. But-

"Ouch!" L jerked out of his thought and glared at Light. "You bit me," he accused.

Light grinned at the reddening mark on L's inner thigh. "No one will ever see it…except for us."

L sighed. "I suppose I am willing to engage in sex with you…provided that you are aware of the consequences."

"I'm aware of the potential consequences. If we're careful, nothing will happen to us."

"If we were careful in the first place, we would not be in this situation," L said with a heavy sigh.

"Don't talk, Ryuuzaki. Just relax and feel."

L allowed Light to pull him into his arms as the continued to play their game of love. L continued reassuring Light that Light was his first friend, someone he cared deeply for. And Light continued to assure L he was not Kira and that he would never kill L. But somehow…L wished Light's empty promises were true.


End file.
